Have you ever noticed that sex scenes in movies, TV shows, and porn follow the same pattern? Despite the vast array of actresses who each have different bodies, their sexual experiences are curiously uniform: they always orgasm and are able to do so in less than three minutes, their orgasms are always loud and mind-blowing, always achieved exclusively through penetration, and always occur simultaneously with their partner’s orgasm. Oh, Hollywood, your knowledge of female pleasure is sorely lacking. It’s no wonder that many women who are raised on a diet of these unrealistic sex scenes can have concerns about not being able to orgasm quickly or at all. But, that’s where we come in. Emjoy is on a mission to help women better understand their bodies and reclaim their pleasure and sexuality. Today, we’re breaking down some of the common myths about female pleasure and introducing you to five best sex positions for female orgasm.
The Truth About Female Pleasure
If you struggle to orgasm during sex the most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. In fact, several research studies have found a significant orgasm gap in heterosexual relationships: about 91% of men reported experiencing an orgasm in their last sexual encounter compared to only about 64% of women.
A belief that likely contributes to this orgasm gap is the common misconception that it is more “difficult” for women to orgasm. This is not true. Typically, men are able to achieve orgasm quickly because the head of the penis, which is packed with nerve endings, is directly stimulated during penetrative sex. Women, however, have the most nerve endings in their clitoris which is not necessarily stimulated during sex unless it is done intentionally. This means that if you know your body and understand your own pleasure, you will likely be able to ensure your own orgasm during sex. In fact, a 2018 study found that women are usually able to orgasm quickly, at an average of eight minutes, when they masturbate.
While there are a few different kinds of orgasms, we're going to focus this conversation on clitoral orgasms as they are usually the easiest to achieve during penetrative sex. The best sex positions for clitoral orgasm are the ones that either apply natural pressure to the clitoris or leave your or your partner’s hands free to roam and touch. On that note, here are five sex positions that allow for all sorts of clitoral play and will leave you humming for more.
The 5 Best Sex Positions for Clitoral Orgasm
The C.A.T.
Despite its feline sounding name, this position doesn't require animal sounds or scratching—unless that’s what you’re into, in which case, feel free to add that in too. C.A.T. stands for coital alignment technique and it’s a fairly simple position to get into. Start in the missionary position with your partner on top of you. Then have your partner shift upwards about six inches so that their chest is in front of your face. This subtle shift of position changes the alignment of your pelvis and presses your partner’s pubic bone against your clitoris. Rather than thrusting, tell your partner to focus on making a grinding motion to give you the clitoral stimulation you need to orgasm. This position has two variations to try: your partner’s legs can either be between yours or on the outside of yours. Play around to see what hits your sweet spot best.
For those who are shy or hesitant about incorporating new sex positions in the bedroom, this position is an easy one to start with because it is a simple variation of the missionary position. It's also a more intimate position because you're pressed together and can hold each other close.
The Spoon
Just like the cuddling position, both of you start by lying on your sides with you in front pressing your back against your partner’s chest. In order to provide clear access to your clitoris, try throwing your top leg up and over your partner’s legs. This position doesn’t allow for deep or fast penetration so focus instead on a rocking motion and slow thrusts. While there aren’t variations to this position, you can ask your partner to whisper things that turn you on in your ear.
Spooning is another sweet and intimate position because your partner can hold you close. And, if both of you decide to orgasm in this position, it has the added benefit of being the perfect position for some tender postcoital cuddling.
The Cowgirl
Have your partner first lie on their back and then straddle their hips while facing them so that you have one leg on each side of their body. Now experiment with different movements and motions that feel good for you. You can try rocking back and forth or up and down, you can lean forward closer to their face or lean backward and brace your hands on their legs, or, for the more adventurous, you can try turning around so that you're facing their feet.
The cowgirl position allows you to control the pace, depth, and angle of penetration while allowing your partner easy access to touch your body and stimulate your clitoris. Don’t forget to communicate! In this position, your partner doesn’t have to worry about holding up their body weight or thrusting, so they can focus much more of their attention on making you feel good. So tell your partner exactly how and where to touch you to help push you over the edge. This position also won’t overstimulate a partner with a penis meaning they’ll be able to last longer and give you all the time you need to reach your peak.
The Side Straddle
You’ll start this position by lying on your side. Have your partner straddle your bottom thigh in a kneeling position and then bend your top leg around their hip. This position gives your partner full access to stimulate your clitoris and nipples with their hands in some creative ways. For example, your partner can pull out and stimulate your clitoris with the head of their penis or strap-on and then go back to thrusting.
This position provides a unique angle for the penis or strap-on to make contact with the g-spot and also allows for deep penetration so make sure to communicate to your partner what feels good for you. And if you have been wanting to introduce a vibrator to your bedroom play, this is an excellent position to give it a try. (And, no, using a vibrator during sex is never bad.)
The Bedside Lie Back
Lie at the edge of the bed (or table, or other fun, flat surface) so that your butt hangs off slightly and bend your legs to your chest. Your partner will stand between your thighs and you can wrap your legs around their waist. For some variations, you can try lifting one or both feet to your partner’s shoulders or try putting a pillow beneath your hips to change the angle of penetration.
Be mindful that this position also allows for deep penetration so make sure to direct your partner to the depth that feels good for you. Your partner may not be able to stimulate your clitoris or nipples in this position, but you sure can! Use your hands or try a vibrator or a vibrating penis ring.
What To Do If It’s Still Not Happening For You
While these sex positions may increase the likelihood of your orgasm, don’t get frustrated if you still can't cum. Keep in mind that studies have found many women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. So, instead, consider taking time on your own to get to know your body better. If you’re not sure where to start, check out the Emjoy app which has sections dedicated to self-discovery, pleasure, and mindful sex that will help you get in touch with your own pleasure. Once you know what you like, you’ll be able to communicate better with your partner to and get what you need to orgasm. And most importantly, remember your pleasure is uniquely yours and you are allowed to feel it in whatever way feels best.
