We get it. When you find a sexual position, technique or activity you enjoy, it’s easy to keep doing the same thing over and over again. After all, if it gets you off, why change it? But sexual monotony is the enemy of sexual excitement in the bedroom. So check out these five common fetishes and kinks to spice up your sexual routine.
But first, let’s begin with the basics…
What’s the difference between a kink and a fetish?
While the words “fetish” and “kink” are usually used interchangeably to talk about any sexual desire that falls outside of the mainstream, like BDSM, there are some key differences between the two.
Let’s start with fetishes. A fetish is a sexual fixation on a specific object or act that’s essential for someone’s sexual gratification. Often it can be something that’s not inherently sexual, like feet or leather. Fetishes generally develop early in a person’s life and can be based on experiences during childhood or adolescence.
Kink, on the other hand, is a broader term that includes a wide range of alternative sexual interests, preferences or fantasies, like impact play or cosplay. While indulging in kinks can enhance the sexual experience, they aren’t required for sexual pleasure, unlike fetishes.
You can also think of it like this: All fetishes are kinks but not all kinks are fetishes. What might be a kink for one person – wearing leather – could be another person’s fetish. The person with the kink for leather would be aroused by someone wearing leather, but they wouldn’t need it to get off. But the person with a leather fetish would walk away from a leather-free encounter feeling less sexually unfulfilled.
So now that we’re clear about the difference between the two, let’s check out some of the common fetishes and kinks that could be fun to explore.
Orgasm control
This sounds like exactly what it is: deciding when your partner gets to cum. As this is about controlling your partner’s sexual satisfaction, it’s clear how this lends itself to one of the core components of BDSM: power play, where partners play with dominant and submissive roles (Source: Madamdolly.com)
There are many ways you can engage in orgasm control but perhaps one of the most enjoyable is edging. Put simply, edging is a sex technique where you bring your partner (or yourself) to the brink of orgasm and then stop before cumming. This is often done repeatedly until allowing a final, often mind-blowing release. Many people find that delaying their climax like this allows them to enjoy a much more intense orgasm when they finally do cum. So if that sounds good to you, why not try it out first in a solo sex session? If it leaves you seeing stars you can always try it out with a partner later.
Wax play
Of all the common fetishes, this is one that will definitely heat things up in the bedroom ;) A practice made popular by the BDSM and kink community, wax play essentially involves lighting a candle and dripping the wax onto the submissive partner’s skin.
While the main appeal for some is to enjoy the warmth of the wax on their erogenous zones, others are more turned on by the feeling of having the wax slowly peeled off those areas once it’s cooled down. For others, part of the appeal is treating their partner’s body like a human canvas by pouring layers upon layers of different coloured wax on them.
While it might sound scary, it isn’t actually as painful as you might think and it’s a great way to try out sensation-, temperature- and pain play all at once. Just make sure to read these tips on how to do wax play safely first (source: Findommeet.com).
Experiment with lingerie
One of the most common fetishes revolves around something you already have at home – lingerie. While your first thought is probably a matching lace set, there’s a world of different textures, materials and styles to explore: silk, satin, leather, PVC, latex, corsets, body stockings, crotchless panties, open cup bras… Even just window shopping for them can be arousing!
So why not do a spot of shopping? Whether online or in a physical store, with a partner or alone, it can be really fun to pick out something that gets your juices flowing. Not only will it make you feel super hot, it could serve as the catalyst for some sexy role play or new activities in the bedroom.
Flirt with your feet
Foot fetishes are one of the most common fetishes, so don’t be surprised if you have a partner who has a thing for feet!
Even if you don’t have this fetish or kink, paying some attention to your tootsies can be a great way to add some novelty to the bedroom. Think about massaging each other’s feet, kissing them, licking them, sucking them, smelling them, dressing them up with toe rings, anklets, sexy shoes…Not to mention that giving your partner a footjob can be a super hot variation on the regular handjob or blowjob. And at the very least, it’s a great opportunity to treat yourself to a pretty pedicure!
Give butt play a go
Last butt not least, how about exploring butt play?
Anal sex has been considered both acceptable and immoral throughout history, depending on the time period. And though it’s become more common in recent times, it’s still largely considered taboo in society. So when we engage in it, we still feel like we’re doing something illicit and rebellious. Perhaps that’s why taking a bite of this forbidden fruit can taste oh-so-naughty and delicious!
Whether you have a kink for it or not, many couples enjoy engaging in a cheeky bit of butt play and it’s up to you how far you take it. Butt play could look like giving or receiving a butt massage, anal stimulation with a finger, sex toy, penis… you decide! For some tips on butt play basics check out our All About Anal Series parts 1 and 2.
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