Most sexual activities and positions involve a lot of turn-taking. Take hand jobs or fingering – generally, there’s a giver and a receiver. Or how about oral sex? Again, there’s usually one person giving while the other receives. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Both giving and receiving are pleasurable. But is there a way for everyone to give and receive at the same time? Say hello to 69ing – the queen of mutual sexual pleasure! 

What's 69ing and what’s so good about it? 

Put simply, 69ing is when you and and your partner line up your genitals with each other’s mouths, allowing you to give each other oral sex at the same time. 

While it could seem a very vulnerable and even awkward sex position at first – hello butt hole on your nose! – the 69 sex position is great way to have incredibly intimate and mutually pleasurable sex. It’s not about one partner pleasing the other and waiting their turn. When you’re 69ing, both partners receive simultaneous pleasure. Kerching!

The 69 position is also a great opportunity to give your clit and vulva the praise and attention they deserve. And women who receive oral sex or manual stimulation are much more likely to orgasm than those engaging in penetrative sex alone – another reason to try out the 69 if you needed one!

Another bonus of 69ing is that it’s super versatile. It works just as well for two women, two men, a man and a woman, or even in a threesome. There are several 69 variations you can try and many ways to spice it up (more on that later).

Why ‘69’?

Take a look at the digits 6 and 9 and imagine that the circle in each number is a head. You basically have a diagram of what the 69 sex position looks like – two bodies facing opposite directions so their faces are in front of their partner’s genitals. 

How to 69 for mutual pleasure

While there are no set rules for 69ing, check out these tips to maximize your and your partner’s pleasure.

Keep it safe

It goes without saying, but the best sex is safe sex. Although you won’t get pregnant from 69ing, STIs can be transmitted through oral sex. If you’re having sex with a new partner or have reason to believe either of you could have an STI, you need to take precautions. 

While it can feel embarrassing to talk about these issues, it’s far better to brave a few red cheeks than get an STI. Condoms and dental dams save the day here. You can even get flavored ones – perfect for 69ing! 

If you’d like to find out more about safe sex, listen to our collections about STIs and birth control on the Emjoy app. And if you’re still not convinced you can have hot and safe sex, check out our erotic audio story, Undone, where Layla and Nate introduce us to the delights of dental dam panties!

Embrace your body

Look, this position is pretty intimate. You and your partner are both going to get up close and personal with each other’s genitals. But please try not to worry about what you look like. No two bodies are the same, and there’s no “right way” for our bodies to look. And if your partner is up for 69ing with you, chances are they love your genitals just as they are and find them a huge turn on. If you feel like you need some help to learn to accept your body, don’t miss our collections Body Image and Sex, 3 Days to Love Your Vulva and Accept Your Body. 

Aside from how our genitals look, it’s common to have hang-ups about how we smell and taste. But remember, vulvas smell and taste like vulvas, not flowers. And penises smell and taste like penises. That’s totally normal. 

Having said that, it never hurts to freshen up first. Just please don’t douche or use scented soaps. They can both disrupt your natural flora and cause irritation. Remember: the vagina is self-cleaning! All you need is some warm water and some unscented, pH-neutral soap to leave you feeling fresh and carefree to enjoy the moment. 

Find a 69 position that’s comfortable

Take some time to find out what works best for you and your partner. Which positions feel comfortable depends on several factors including your heights, genitals, flexibility, strength and body shape. 

In the classic 69 position, one partner lies on their back while the other crawls on top of them belly-down with their head over their partner’s genitals. While the person on top can support their own body weight by going on all fours, you may wish to have your bodies touching each other, like a really sexy sandwich. If that’s the case, it could be more comfortable to have the taller or heavier partner on the bottom. 

If your weights or heights are very different, you might prefer the side-lying 69. In this position, both partners remain in the original 69 position but lie on their sides. This is a great option for anyone who feels semi-suffocated by their partner’s genitals. It also comes with the added bonus of giving everyone more control over the intensity of what they’re giving and receiving.

These are just a couple of the possible variations. Take your time to find what feels best for you and your partner and let the good times roll!

Use your hands and mouth

We tend to think of the 69 as a double-oral position, and it’s true that it’s perfect for oral. In the 69 position we have easy access to lick and suck our partner’s genitals. We encourage you to try out different pressures and strokes and explore all areas. If your partner has a penis, you can also stimulate their balls, perineum and inner thighs. If they have a vagina, the vulva, clitoris and inner thighs are all fair game. The important thing is to communicate with your partner and get feedback about what they like and dislike. 

But remember, you can also use your hands! It can be a bit trickier if you’re the partner on top and are using your hands to support yourself, but if you’re on the bottom or you’re both lying on your sides, use them! If your partner has a vagina, you could finger them to stimulate their G-zone while you simultaneously lick their clit. If your partner has a penis, you can hold the base of their penis while giving them a blow job to control how deep it goes into your mouth and avoid being gagged. You could also give them a hot hand job while licking or sucking their balls, if they don’t find it too sensitive. 

Aside from giving more pleasure, using your hands is also great if you’re close to orgasming and can’t focus on performing oral. It’s also a fantastic way to continue giving your partner pleasure if your mouth gets tired and you need a rest. 

Play with toys

Here at Emjoy, we’re big advocates for spicing it up with sex toys (for example vibrators, sex dolls, dildos etc.). Whether you prefer vibrators, wands, or bullets, there’s no limit to the extras you use in the 69 position to increase your pleasure. Discover the best sex toy for you in this ultimate guide. 

Don’t forget the butt

Why not add a little anilingus and butt play into the action? Of course, not everyone wants to have their anus stimulated, but if both you and your partner are curious, go for it! If you’re interested in incorporating butt play into your sex life, we recommend reading All About Anal Part I and Part II, but if you’re short on time we can summarise it like this: go slowly and use lube!

The anus isn’t self-lubricating so you should always put plenty of lube on the anus and whatever you’re inserting, whether that’s a finger, penis or toy. It's also important to go slowly and warm up the area slowly to help the muscles relax. If not, it could hurt, and sex should never be painful, including anal sex. 

So, how can you incorporate anal play into your next 69ing sesh? You could lick the nerve-dense ring around your partner’s anus, insert your finger(s) while giving them oral sex, or use a cute butt plug. If your partner enjoys an in-and-out motion, you might find that they might enjoy anal beads, and if they have a penis, they may enjoy a prostate massager toy. Again, there are really so many possibilities when it comes to sex.

But whatever you do, it’s important to practice good hygiene. Vagina to anus, yes. Anus to vagina no. Basically, you shouldn’t stimulate the anus and then the vulva area to avoid transferring bacteria which could cause a UTI or yeast infection  – not what you want to remember from your sexy sesh! 

If you’re curious about anal play, Emjoy has created six audio sessions All About Anal.

Find out more

If you liked this article about 69ing, we think you’d enjoy listening to our audio collection How to Give Pleasure, covering topics like how to eat someone out, how to touch a penis and how to give head. Happy exploring!