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Ten Instagram artists to boost your sex drive

Ten Instagram artists to boost your sex drive

As you can probably tell, here at Emjoy we are tired of stereotypes and myths pertaining to how “male” and “female” sexualities work. So we want to balance out the science with some good old-fashioned myth busting. And one we hear on repeat is that “men are visual creatures” and by this inference, women are not. But that’s incorrect! We may react differently to visual stimulus, but one thing is for sure – everyone has a reaction to it.

And I’m not just talking about porn. Looking at erotic visual stimulation can be anything, from noticing the curve of someone’s lips you see in the street to a classical painting. One of the sections of the Emjoy app is pertaining to how visual stimulation can effect your sex drive. Looking at saucy things regularly can help increase your sex drive, so if you’re struggling to get in the mood, one of the best things you can do is follow some erotic artists on Instagram. And there is a plethora of them out there!

 Here is a roundup of 10 of our favourites so far. If you know any others, send us a message and we’ll take a look!

 

Frida Castelli

Apollonia Saintclair

Stikstok

Tina Maria Elena

Nikki Peck

Emir Shiro

Neon Ako

Julian Mouffron

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Isamuzugura

You’re my aphrodisiac: Does “female viagra” work?

You’re my aphrodisiac: Does “female viagra” work?

Female viagra. A promise made to a generation of sexually liberated women decades ago that seems as unlikely to ever actually work as male contraception. Both great ideas, both stuck in a continuous “will they, won’t they” cycle of trials, re-trials, placebos and failures.

Life would be so much simpler if we could just pop a pill and turn the horny switch on. But will it ever be that simple?

Let’s clear up some stuff. Viagra for men* doesn’t increase sexual desire. All it does is send blood to the genital area which creates an erection. So a man may take Viagra and have sex and even have an orgasm and yet still maintain a hard-on, even when he has no more interest in sexual activity. Pills of this nature for women however have been focussed on increasing the woman’s sexual desire. So calling them “female viagra” is actually inaccurate – they target your brain, not your genitals.

Why is this? Well, it’s taken for granted that men are just hornier than women. The common “problem” for men is not being able to have an erection when they want to have sex, and for women it’s seen as not having a “high enough” libido. The persistent myth is that men are always up for it and therefore spend their lives attempting to convince women to sleep with them. This isn’t a particularly fun (or accurate!) narrative. It pressures men into performing or behaving in highly sexualised ways and it shames women for being sexual. So let’s all agree, right here and now, that sexual desire and libido aren’t determined by our genders – they are determined by a multitude of other factors. This is why “one size fits all” medications or solutions don’t work in the ways we want them to. The reasons we may struggle with our libidos, with attaining orgasm, with getting an erection, come from (frequently, but not always) our brains. Our self-esteem, our internalised shame, being distracted, feeling anxious, depressed or pressured, going on different medications, going through menopause or pregnancy – all of these things can affect your libido. It’s far more often a question of how your mind feels rather than some kind of biological factor lowering your libido (although, of course, there are physical things that can affect your sex drive too).

Flibanserin, or “female viagra”, has been available since 2015 with very mixed results. For one thing, it has to be taken daily over a long period of time before you see any results – and some studies suggest that it is only slightly more effective than a placebo. It has side-effects, such as dizziness, nausea, drowsiness and fainting. And it does not have strong support from the scientific community:

“I am very opposed to the drug and have been since it first went to the FDA in 2010 and it was rejected. Then it was rejected a second time. The drug hasn’t changed, the data hasn’t changed, and my opinion hasn’t changed. I think it’s a disaster. It’s unsafe and it doesn’t work. That is all a drug is supposed to do. Work and be safe.” – Leonore Tiefer, clinical associate professor of Psychiatry at NYU School of Medicine, speaking to Time Magazine.

It’s the only thing on the market designed for women to help them increase their libido or have higher levels of sexual desire. Until now! We have a carefully curated and designed series of audio guided practices and theory, made to cater to your specific needs on our app, Emjoy. If you are having trouble with your libido or you want to experience more sexual desire, we have a whole section dedicated to helping you boost your libido – without taking any pills.

The most important lesson that we want you to learn is – if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If you are happy with your libido, with how you experience sexual desire, that’s fantastic! We don’t want you to feel pressured into having more or less sex. What you like is what is right – and no one should tell you otherwise!

If, however, you want to make a change and you have stumbled upon this blog in the hope of understanding your sex drive and how to gain some agency over your sexuality, we’re here to help. We believe that you have the power within yourself to find your own sexual happiness – we are just providing the tools for you to use to find your way there, through practical exercises, guided meditation, theory lessons and daily habit-builders.

*men refers here to cis-gendered men, but we also include any person with a phallus that can take viagra and see results. We are always trying to be as inclusive as possible in our language – send us feedback and we will do better!

What’s the difference between desire and arousal?

What’s the difference between desire and arousal?

“One is not born, but rather becomes, woman. No biological, psychic, or economic destiny defines the figure that the human female takes on in society; it is civilization as a whole that elaborates this intermediary product between the male and the eunuch that is called feminine.” – Simone DeBeauvoir, The Second Sex

Why is sex so god damn complicated? It seems, the more we learn about sex and sexuality, the clearer it is that our historical understanding of women’s anatomy and sexual desire has been woefully limited. Take a read of the first chapter of Simone DeBeauvoir’s prolific The Second Sex and you will discover how until the 20th Century (!!!) in the West, the vulva and vagina were described as anything from an inside-out penis to the real location of a woman’s brain. So, don’t blame yourself for not knowing exactly how your body works – it is only in the last few decades that it has even been socially acceptable in the West to study or learn about a woman’s sexuality. Up until then, it was considered either uninteresting, unimportant or strictly taboo.

One of the most common questions that we get asked at Emjoy is about sexual desire and arousal. What are they? Are they the same? Are they linked with libido? Which comes first?

There is no right way to have sex, feel aroused or experience your libido. We are all different. And like I said before, we are still learning about how the vulva and vagina actually work! What we do know is that there is a common misconception that arousal and desire are the same, when in fact, they are not.

Desire is emotional: it’s your libido. It is wanting, or not wanting, to have sex.

Arousal is the physical symptoms your body produces when you are turned on: heart rate increasing, lubrication between your legs, dilated pupils.

You can be unexpectedly aroused, and you can feel unexpectedly desirous; like going to a doctor’s appointment and suddenly finding yourself fantasising about them; or sitting on top of a washing machine and finding yourself more and more aroused from the vibrations…

Desire is as changeable as the seasons. We all know there’s a big difference between the honeymoon period in a new relationship and the part afterwards – it’s almost expected for us to stop having good and frequent sex. We are used to the idea that over time, our desire for our partner diminishes – as if we’ve run out of desire, like an old battery.

There are lots of different ways you can initiate both desire and arousal – separately or together. One of the main things that we work on with you in our app is building desire, from the ground up. You can head on over to the “Libido” section for a whole session on Desire vs. Arousal and techniques to incite them.

Sometimes, arousal can happen first and lead to desire. Maybe someone kisses your neck and you feel aroused – which then makes you want to have sex. Watching a steamy movie can also generate arousal in you, which can lead to desire; or looking at saucy pictures. It’s proven that looking at visual stimulation increases desire and arousal.

The good news is, you can have control and agency over your desire and your arousal. You can incite them. You can plan them. You don’t need to take pills that often are only slightly more effective than a placebo. It’s perfectly natural and normal to have fluctuations in your desire, and for your arousal to manifest in different ways. The key to taking control, of course, is to first understand them. So perk up your ears – it’s gonna be a wild ride.

Click here to be taken to the Emjoy App and get started on the “Libido” series, designed to help you understand and control your desire and incite arousal.

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