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How to safely send nudes

How to safely send nudes

Nudes. It seems like only a few years ago that we were experiencing near-constant leaks of celebrity nudes. How were the people whose privacy was so carefully guarded being hacked by journalists to out their saucy late night snaps? We’re here to give you some advice on how to keep your nudes safe before, during and after sending them.  

Don’t use Facebook Messenger

Unless you don’t mind these photos being permanently stored – even after you “delete” them. Instead use timed message services like snapchat private messaging or messaging services like Telegram, Wire or Signal. WhatsApp is technically encrypted but we would be less inclined to trust it. With Telegram and Wire you are notified if someone takes a screenshot of your conversation or image, which is the same as with snapchat – and the only way to save your nudes through these platforms would be through screenshots as the image isn’t sent as a download like on Whatsapp.

Take it one step further…

And use a new email address, created on Proton Mail, to set up a messaging account with one of these messenger services. This way if any of your nudes do escape they can’t be traced back to your name.

Don’t have your face in the picture

Of course, if you have tattoos or other things that could easily identify you, it’s less helpful not to include your face. But if you are really worried or you have a tendency to send nudes on the regs, it might be worth considering.

Turn off Location services when you take the photos

Seems a little paranoid, but when you take a photo and your location services are on, the photos are encrypted with your location information – and so it can be traced back to your IP address (which is like the fingerprint of your phone).

Turn off automatic uploads

If you have an iPhone and use the cloud, whenever you take a picture your phone will automatically upload it to your cloud. This means that if any of your accounts linked to your cloud get hacked, someone has access to all of your photos – including your nudes. Choose to only upload selected photos to iCloud or better yet, don’t use iCloud at all and instead invest in an external hard-drive, on which you can store everything without fear of it being hacked as they are not connected to the internet.

Use a password manager

LastPass or OnePassword help you to manage complex passwords for everything you use – rather than having the same password for all of your accounts. This makes it much harder to hack you – you would be surprised just how many people have the same password for their facebook as they do for their bank.

Use private browsing online

Incognito mode is only more private because it doesn’t visually save your history when you browse – but this doesn’t mean that Google or other search engines don’t store information about what you search. Try using Tor instead for encrypted, private use.

Use an app to store your nudes 

Apps like Photo Vault let you store your nudes in the app and removes them automatically from your photos feed on your phone, so you can scroll in front of others without fear of a saucy picture popping up unexpectedly. 

If a nude of you is shared without your permission or ends up online, you have rights

Visit Cyber Civil Rights Initiative for more information on how to address this if it happens.

How to sext (and not cringe)

How to sext (and not cringe)

Sexting is a skill. A finely crafted skill that requires practice and sometimes very careful consideration. Getting someone wetter than an otter’s pocket with a single text is equivalent to a 3.8 in the diving olympics (skilled af, in other words). But have no fear! Your sexting fairy godmothers are here and we’re going to guide you towards a midnight thumb tap that leads to a toe-curling finish. Do we love you or what?

If you prefer listening rather than reading, we have an audio guided session on the app all about sexting.

Get consent first

Before continuing, this is a given for all of the following advice. You must first ask for consent. “Do you fancy talking a little dirty?” is a nice, clean opener – and if they say “no”, don’t send them a dick pic/nude/”but I’m hooornyyyyy”. Just respect it and move on. Unsolicited dirty texts can be really unpleasant, especially if they pop up whilst you’re flicking through holiday snaps on your phone with your boss at that exact moment.

Don’t try and be Shakespeare

None of this “your sunflower seed”* nonsense. It’s a vulva, a pussy, a clit, your lips. Of course, if you’re uncomfortable with saying these words, try and find a repertoire that you and your fleet fingered friend can stick with. Boat ones can work: “there’s a stiff breeze”, “I’ll pull into the dock”, something about “seaman”…. on second thought, maybe not.

*real experience from the Emjoy team

But keep it classy

“You’re a filthy animal” really can go one of two ways – instant blocking or a response in the vein of “yes I am, do you like it?”. The vital thing here is that you need to discern what the vibe is between the two of you. Don’t start off with the hard, crass stuff. Know your audience. Ask questions. “Are you naughty or nice?”, “Do you like it soft, dirty or hard?” or a good old-fashioned “I’m hard/horny/wet/erotically charged” always lends itself to a response that helps you gauge the situation. 

Just because you sext it, doesn’t mean you really want to do it

You shouldn’t feel worried that because in your sexting fantasy they’ve turned up at your office and banged you in front of the whole team that that means they’ll think they have to do it in real life. And in the same vein, don’t assume that because they like something while sexting that they’ll like it in real life. Just because they’re using words in a sext, doesn’t mean they will necessarily like them in bed, for example “slut” or “pussy”. Sexting can be one of two things – a kind of talking-each-other-through what you’re actually doing (“my hand is here, thinking about you is making me feel this way” etc. etc.) or it can be a fantasy that you’re running through together (“You’re licking my mermaid tail and I’m watching the octopus devour it’s own mother” y’know, whatever). Either way, remember that what happens in the sext, stays in the sext, unless explicitly stated otherwise. 

Use it as foreplay

Sexting is an excellent way to add a spark to an otherwise floundering sexual relationship. Rather than waiting for them to spontaneously grab you in the midst of a Netflix marathon or resigning yourself to the same routine, sexting can add a build up until the moment you can ravish each other IRL. Think of it as one long session of foreplay until you get to touch each other. 

For the love of God, puns are not sexy. 

“Did you get my junk mail?” Yes and that is exactly where it is going, in the trash, with a pun like that. Try harder.

Never send a nude without consent

This doesn’t just go for dick pics, drowning in them as we may be. When you’ve consented, nudes are hot, they’re fun, they can be nearly as good as the real thing. When it’s not been requested, it actually feels quite violating. Just don’t do it, ‘kay?

Safeguard your sexts

There are multiple apps nowadays that allow you to send texts that are automatically deleted or encrypted. You can use Telegram or Snapchat, plus apps that store your nudey pics in a separate folder. Also remember to turn off push notifications to avoid awkward sexts popping in unseemly situations, like when you’re showing Grandma your baby pics. We have a whole blog about safely sending nudes.

 

How to sext (and not cringe)

How to sext (and not cringe)

Sexting is a skill. A finely crafted skill that requires practice and sometimes very careful consideration. Getting someone wetter than an otter’s pocket with a single text is equivalent to a 3.8 in the diving olympics (skilled af, in other words). But have no fear! Your sexting fairy godmothers are here and we’re going to guide you towards a midnight thumb tap that leads to a toe-curling finish. Do we love you or what?

If you prefer listening rather than reading, we have an audio guided session on the app all about sexting.

Get consent first

Before continuing, this is a given for all of the following advice. You must first ask for consent. “Do you fancy talking a little dirty?” is a nice, clean opener – and if they say “no”, don’t send them a dick pic/nude/”but I’m hooornyyyyy”. Just respect it and move on. Unsolicited dirty texts can be really unpleasant, especially if they pop up whilst you’re flicking through holiday snaps on your phone with your boss at that exact moment.

Don’t try and be Shakespeare

None of this “your sunflower seed”* nonsense. It’s a vulva, a pussy, a clit, your lips. Of course, if you’re uncomfortable with saying these words, try and find a repertoire that you and your fleet fingered friend can stick with. Boat ones can work: “there’s a stiff breeze”, “I’ll pull into the dock”, something about “seaman”…. on second thought, maybe not.

*real experience from the Emjoy team

But keep it classy

“You’re a filthy animal” really can go one of two ways – instant blocking or a response in the vein of “yes I am, do you like it?”. The vital thing here is that you need to discern what the vibe is between the two of you. Don’t start off with the hard, crass stuff. Know your audience. Ask questions. “Are you naughty or nice?”, “Do you like it soft, dirty or hard?” or a good old-fashioned “I’m hard/horny/wet/erotically charged” always lends itself to a response that helps you gauge the situation. 

Just because you sext it, doesn’t mean you really want to do it

You shouldn’t feel worried that because in your sexting fantasy they’ve turned up at your office and banged you in front of the whole team that that means they’ll think they have to do it in real life. And in the same vein, don’t assume that because they like something while sexting that they’ll like it in real life. Just because they’re using words in a sext, doesn’t mean they will necessarily like them in bed, for example “slut” or “pussy”. Sexting can be one of two things – a kind of talking-each-other-through what you’re actually doing (“my hand is here, thinking about you is making me feel this way” etc. etc.) or it can be a fantasy that you’re running through together (“You’re licking my mermaid tail and I’m watching the octopus devour it’s own mother” y’know, whatever). Either way, remember that what happens in the sext, stays in the sext, unless explicitly stated otherwise. 

Use it as foreplay

Sexting is an excellent way to add a spark to an otherwise floundering sexual relationship. Rather than waiting for them to spontaneously grab you in the midst of a Netflix marathon or resigning yourself to the same routine, sexting can add a build up until the moment you can ravish each other IRL. Think of it as one long session of foreplay until you get to touch each other. 

For the love of God, puns are not sexy. 

“Did you get my junk mail?” Yes and that is exactly where it is going, in the trash, with a pun like that. Try harder.

Never send a nude without consent

This doesn’t just go for dick pics, drowning in them as we may be. When you’ve consented, nudes are hot, they’re fun, they can be nearly as good as the real thing. When it’s not been requested, it actually feels quite violating. Just don’t do it, ‘kay?

Safeguard your sexts

There are multiple apps nowadays that allow you to send texts that are automatically deleted or encrypted. You can use Telegram or Snapchat, plus apps that store your nudey pics in a separate folder. Also remember to turn off push notifications to avoid awkward sexts popping in unseemly situations, like when you’re showing Grandma your baby pics. We have a whole blog about safely sending nudes.

 

How to safely send nudes

How to safely send nudes

Nudes. It seems like only a few years ago that we were experiencing near-constant leaks of celebrity nudes. How were the people whose privacy was so carefully guarded being hacked by journalists to out their saucy late night snaps? We’re here to give you some advice on how to keep your nudes safe before, during and after sending them.  

Don’t use Facebook Messenger

Unless you don’t mind these photos being permanently stored – even after you “delete” them. Instead use timed message services like snapchat private messaging or messaging services like Telegram, Wire or Signal. WhatsApp is technically encrypted but we would be less inclined to trust it. With Telegram and Wire you are notified if someone takes a screenshot of your conversation or image, which is the same as with snapchat – and the only way to save your nudes through these platforms would be through screenshots as the image isn’t sent as a download like on Whatsapp.

Take it one step further…

And use a new email address, created on Proton Mail, to set up a messaging account with one of these messenger services. This way if any of your nudes do escape they can’t be traced back to your name.

Don’t have your face in the picture

Of course, if you have tattoos or other things that could easily identify you, it’s less helpful not to include your face. But if you are really worried or you have a tendency to send nudes on the regs, it might be worth considering.

Turn off Location services when you take the photos

Seems a little paranoid, but when you take a photo and your location services are on, the photos are encrypted with your location information – and so it can be traced back to your IP address (which is like the fingerprint of your phone).

Turn off automatic uploads

If you have an iPhone and use the cloud, whenever you take a picture your phone will automatically upload it to your cloud. This means that if any of your accounts linked to your cloud get hacked, someone has access to all of your photos – including your nudes. Choose to only upload selected photos to iCloud or better yet, don’t use iCloud at all and instead invest in an external hard-drive, on which you can store everything without fear of it being hacked as they are not connected to the internet.

Use a password manager

LastPass or OnePassword help you to manage complex passwords for everything you use – rather than having the same password for all of your accounts. This makes it much harder to hack you – you would be surprised just how many people have the same password for their facebook as they do for their bank.

Use private browsing online

Incognito mode is only more private because it doesn’t visually save your history when you browse – but this doesn’t mean that Google or other search engines don’t store information about what you search. Try using Tor instead for encrypted, private use.

Use an app to store your nudes 

Apps like Photo Vault let you store your nudes in the app and removes them automatically from your photos feed on your phone, so you can scroll in front of others without fear of a saucy picture popping up unexpectedly. 

If a nude of you is shared without your permission or ends up online, you have rights

Visit Cyber Civil Rights Initiative for more information on how to address this if it happens.

Advice for when you and your partner have mismatched libidos

Advice for when you and your partner have mismatched libidos

Getting freaky in the sheets is different for everyone. But one thing is for sure – we are all constantly bombarded with the idea that we aren’t doing it enough. But what if that pressure is coming from inside the relationship? What if getting in sync just isn’t happening?

It’s pretty normal to have mismatched libidos when you have a long-term partner or partners – and, despite what you may hear, it’s not as simple as “women aren’t as horny as men”. That concept is actually quite damaging and dangerous – it pressures men to be hypersexual and shames women for the same thing. Sometimes, we can be perfectly happy with the amount of sex we’re having, but we feel an outside pressure that we should be doing it more, because that’s what “healthy” or “happy” couples do.

There’s a big difference between how much sex you actually want, how much sex you’re having, and how much sex you’d like to be having. It might be that you don’t get aroused very often, but that you want to be having more sex. There are lots of reasons why having frequent sex is good for you and for your relationship – it releases endorphins and chemicals that build a bond between you and your partner; it is a natural stress reliever, pain killer, mood enhancer and anxiety buster; it helps you sleep better; it can be good exercise; and it’s fun. But we need to encourage the idea that the amount of sex that you should be having is the amount of sex you want to be having. We’re not here to tell you how many times a week or month or year is “best” for you or “normal” because everyone is different. Plus, there are plenty of things that affect your libido that you have no control over: medication, menopause, pregnancy, alcohol, stress, age and hormones all have effects on your sex drive. 

If there is an issue of mismatched libidos in your relationship, there are lots of things to look at. First of all – are you both enjoying sex to the fullest extent possible? When you do have sex, do you have an orgasm? Does it last as long as you want it to? The better the sex is that you have, the more you’re going to want to do it more. So maybe, if one person in the relationship is wanting more sex than the other, it might be because they’re enjoying it more, or their needs are being met more frequently. 

Have you tried experimenting? Or do you always have sex in the same way? Adding experimentation, games and exploration into your sex life could open up avenues to worlds of pleasure you never knew you could experience. It might also transpire that the kind of things that you enjoy doing might not be “full” sex, i.e. you might really enjoy sexting, or mutual masturbation, or a little light BDSM or some foot play. We are obsessed with a heteronormative idea that sex, no matter which genders are involved, has to involve some kind of penetration to “be” sex, but that’s nonsense. Sex is whatever you want it to be.

Are you having sex or sexual relationships at the same time of day? Maybe after work is just never going to be a good time for you because you’re tired or you have other things you’d rather be doing. Or maybe you schedule date nights or holidays and then the pressure that you should be having sex kills the vibe of actually wanting to have sex. 

Does your partner constantly ask for it and you find yourself saying no? Or are you always asking for it, and then being rejected, and feeling miserable about being turned down? Try and understand how this situation makes you feel. Unwanted? Pressured? Guilty? Maybe you can try doing sensual things together that aren’t a lead up to sex. Find a way to be intimate with each other, without the pressure of having to have sex. Take a bath or shower together, and explicitly state that it isn’t a way to get in each others pants but rather to find intimacy and closeness. Chances are you both know that there is a mismatch in your libidos – and approaching the subject can feel difficult. Communication really is key here though.

If you’ve really noticed a drop in your libido, or your partner has, there are lots of things you can do to raise it again. We have a whole section on our app that is designed specifically for this – with habit builders, practical exercises, theory and science, all in audio files that you can listen to on your commute or at home. Boosting your libido is not as simple as taking a pill, even though some may like to sell this as a miracle cure. Studies show that actually, these pills are only slightly more effective than a placebo.

But finally, if you are happy with the amount of sex you are having, you should never have sex because you feel like you should. This can lead to resentment, and if you’re forcing yourself to have sex, most likely it isn’t going to be that fun or pleasureable.

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