Nudes. It seems like only a few years ago that we were experiencing near-constant leaks of celebrity nudes. How were the people whose privacy was so carefully guarded being hacked by journalists to out their saucy late night snaps? We’re here to give you some advice on how to keep your nudes safe before, during and after sending them.
Don’t use Facebook Messenger
Unless you don’t mind these photos being permanently stored – even after you “delete” them. Instead use timed message services like snapchat private messaging or messaging services like Telegram, Wire or Signal. WhatsApp is technically encrypted but we would be less inclined to trust it. With Telegram and Wire you are notified if someone takes a screenshot of your conversation or image, which is the same as with snapchat – and the only way to save your nudes through these platforms would be through screenshots as the image isn’t sent as a download like on Whatsapp.
Take it one step further…
And use a new email address, created on Proton Mail, to set up a messaging account with one of these messenger services. This way if any of your nudes do escape they can’t be traced back to your name.
Don’t have your face in the picture
Of course, if you have tattoos or other things that could easily identify you, it’s less helpful not to include your face. But if you are really worried or you have a tendency to send nudes on the regs, it might be worth considering.
Turn off Location services when you take the photos
Seems a little paranoid, but when you take a photo and your location services are on, the photos are encrypted with your location information – and so it can be traced back to your IP address (which is like the fingerprint of your phone).
Turn off automatic uploads
If you have an iPhone and use the cloud, whenever you take a picture your phone will automatically upload it to your cloud. This means that if any of your accounts linked to your cloud get hacked, someone has access to all of your photos – including your nudes. Choose to only upload selected photos to iCloud or better yet, don’t use iCloud at all and instead invest in an external hard-drive, on which you can store everything without fear of it being hacked as they are not connected to the internet.
Use a password manager
LastPass or OnePassword help you to manage complex passwords for everything you use – rather than having the same password for all of your accounts. This makes it much harder to hack you – you would be surprised just how many people have the same password for their facebook as they do for their bank.
Use private browsing online
Incognito mode is only more private because it doesn’t visually save your history when you browse – but this doesn’t mean that Google or other search engines don’t store information about what you search. Try using Tor instead for encrypted, private use.
Use an app to store your nudes
Apps like Photo Vault let you store your nudes in the app and removes them automatically from your photos feed on your phone, so you can scroll in front of others without fear of a saucy picture popping up unexpectedly.
If a nude of you is shared without your permission or ends up online, you have rights
Visit Cyber Civil Rights Initiative for more information on how to address this if it happens.
Sexting is a skill. A finely crafted skill that requires practice and sometimes very careful consideration. Getting someone wetter than an otter’s pocket with a single text is equivalent to a 3.8 in the diving olympics (skilled af, in other words). But have no fear! Your sexting fairy godmothers are here and we’re going to guide you towards a midnight thumb tap that leads to a toe-curling finish. Do we love you or what?
If you prefer listening rather than reading, we have an audio guided session on the app all about sexting.
Get consent first
Before continuing, this is a given for all of the following advice. You must first ask for consent. “Do you fancy talking a little dirty?” is a nice, clean opener – and if they say “no”, don’t send them a dick pic/nude/”but I’m hooornyyyyy”. Just respect it and move on. Unsolicited dirty texts can be really unpleasant, especially if they pop up whilst you’re flicking through holiday snaps on your phone with your boss at that exact moment.
Don’t try and be Shakespeare
None of this “your sunflower seed”* nonsense. It’s a vulva, a pussy, a clit, your lips. Of course, if you’re uncomfortable with saying these words, try and find a repertoire that you and your fleet fingered friend can stick with. Boat ones can work: “there’s a stiff breeze”, “I’ll pull into the dock”, something about “seaman”…. on second thought, maybe not.
*real experience from the Emjoy team
But keep it classy
“You’re a filthy animal” really can go one of two ways – instant blocking or a response in the vein of “yes I am, do you like it?”. The vital thing here is that you need to discern what the vibe is between the two of you. Don’t start off with the hard, crass stuff. Know your audience. Ask questions. “Are you naughty or nice?”, “Do you like it soft, dirty or hard?” or a good old-fashioned “I’m hard/horny/wet/erotically charged” always lends itself to a response that helps you gauge the situation.
Just because you sext it, doesn’t mean you really want to do it
You shouldn’t feel worried that because in your sexting fantasy they’ve turned up at your office and banged you in front of the whole team that that means they’ll think they have to do it in real life. And in the same vein, don’t assume that because they like something while sexting that they’ll like it in real life. Just because they’re using words in a sext, doesn’t mean they will necessarily like them in bed, for example “slut” or “pussy”. Sexting can be one of two things – a kind of talking-each-other-through what you’re actually doing (“my hand is here, thinking about you is making me feel this way” etc. etc.) or it can be a fantasy that you’re running through together (“You’re licking my mermaid tail and I’m watching the octopus devour it’s own mother” y’know, whatever). Either way, remember that what happens in the sext, stays in the sext, unless explicitly stated otherwise.
Use it as foreplay
Sexting is an excellent way to add a spark to an otherwise floundering sexual relationship. Rather than waiting for them to spontaneously grab you in the midst of a Netflix marathon or resigning yourself to the same routine, sexting can add a build up until the moment you can ravish each other IRL. Think of it as one long session of foreplay until you get to touch each other.
For the love of God, puns are not sexy.
“Did you get my junk mail?” Yes and that is exactly where it is going, in the trash, with a pun like that. Try harder.
Never send a nude without consent
This doesn’t just go for dick pics, drowning in them as we may be. When you’ve consented, nudes are hot, they’re fun, they can be nearly as good as the real thing. When it’s not been requested, it actually feels quite violating. Just don’t do it, ‘kay?
Safeguard your sexts
There are multiple apps nowadays that allow you to send texts that are automatically deleted or encrypted. You can use Telegram or Snapchat, plus apps that store your nudey pics in a separate folder. Also remember to turn off push notifications to avoid awkward sexts popping in unseemly situations, like when you’re showing Grandma your baby pics. We have a whole blog about safely sending nudes.
Mark your calendar and forget about your plan to go to the gym tonight! It’s International Female Orgasm Day, y’all! Ohhhh yes!
Did you wake up all excited and tingly this morning? No? You should have! August 8 is the official World Day of Female Orgasm!
Why today? Why did you not know about this before? Is it just about pleasure or also about politics?
We’ll answer all your questions so you have time to think of ways to celebrate this glorious day with as much pleasure as possible.
An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away!
So let’s take a look at how it all started. In 2006, the Councilor of Esperantina (Brazil), José Arimateia Dantas Lacerda, promoted a law to defend sexual pleasure in women, study it and address it as a matter of public health.
Dantas realized that especially women were not satisfied with their sexuality and had a hard time to climax, struggling to get their pleasure. A survey was issued to investigate the matter further and concluded that the situation should change because it was “a matter of public health”, due to all the health benefits orgasms produce. The initiative went viral and in the end, August 8 has been adopted worldwide as International Female Orgasm Day. Or as we call it: Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Sunday.
The pleasure gap
13 years have passed since the proclamation of Female Orgasm Day, but the pleasure gap is still existing till today. So why did we all not learn more during the last couple of years? One reason is of course that we don’t only need one day during the year to remind ourselves of the greatness of the female orgasm and all its’ health benefits; it’s a matter of constant practice and also a matter of truly understanding your own body, your wants and needs and how to fill you daily life with small and arousing pleasures that are already waiting for you in your mind and body!
Additionally, we, as a society, need to do some serious myth busting surrounding the subject of female orgasm and anatomy, so women (and men) can have a whole new (and way more satisfying!) understanding of female sexuality.
We started Emjoy with exactly those goals in mind. We want to help you get a better understanding about your body, help you love yourself more, feel better in your skin and learn pleasure techniques that arouse both your body and mind in ways you haven’t imagined before. Oh and did we mention that by doing so you’ll live healthier and happier for sure?
Say it loud, say it proud: It’s all about the clit!
The idea of penis-vagina sex remains widespread as the “normal” form of our idea of “having sex”. This should be one of the first things we have to erase from our minds, once and for all! Repeat after us (and tons of studies on the matter):
The big majority of women need stimulation of the clitoris to orgasm. Penetrative sex is not enough!
That said, penetrative sex can also lead some women to orgasm, but that is also happening because part of the clitoris is touching the walls of the vagina which can be stimulated by penetration. We have more on this in one of our female anatomy sessions, if you’re interested!
The most important fact remains: We can’t talk about female orgasm without talking about the clitoris! So: Let’s get cliterate!
Get cliterate and stop faking it!
So what’s the current reality of female orgasms? Studies suggest that half or almost half of us fake orgasms frequently. We pretend to have fun, when actually we aren’t and we pretend to climax even though we don’t. We’ve probably all done it. Either it’s because we feel guilty or think it’s what our partners want to hear or, or…. It does not matter, really, does it? Let’s stop the nonsense. Let’s not fake orgasms anymore! Why should we?
So, yes. It’s alarming to realize that only one partner is constantly and truly enjoying sex, while the other partner is faking it. But there’s hope! Did you know that when women masturbate, between 75-80% have no problems to climax and that women in homosexual relationships almost always reach orgasm? So don’t despair!
There are many factors that can influence whether or not to reach orgasm in a sexual encounter. But in all of them we can take an active role to improve how we feel so that we can all live our sexuality more freely and happily.
Reinventing “good sex”
As you can see, studies urge us to move forward and reach a more satisfying status quo for both sides of the bed. The best thing we can do is to learn more about the female orgasm and know ourselves better. This is not only important for women to fully understand their own body, it’s also essential that men (or partners in general) learn more about female orgasms if we all want to have truly satisfying sexual relationships.
Our sexual power is often not fully activated, even though it is so powerful!
We would like to invite you to become aware of your body in new ways. Knowing yourself – all off you: your mind, your body, your desires, what you like and also what you don’t like is the master key to a whole new relationship with yourself and your sexuality.
Your body is a wonderland!
- The brain: Yes! It’s the most powerful sexual organ. Because it’s the place where orgasms occur, because it is where we can change our ideas and beliefs, because it is where sensory and emotional stimuli arouse our desire. The brain is our primary tool for sexual satisfaction.
- The clitoris, of course! The jewel in your crown and the only organ of the human being created exclusively for pleasure. Understanding the clitoris and knowing how to stimulate it is the key to orgasms. Love your clit! It’s your treasure spot.
- Love yourself! All parts and sides of you. Respect yourself. Know yourself. The most satisfying sexual relationship of your life should be the one with yourself. You are your most important lover and you know best how to make your body and mind happy. Learn what you want and like and how to give yourself the pleasure you deserve!
Fall in love with yourself and your body!
Orgasmic inequality is a reality. But so is the power of female orgasms and all the health benefits that come with it! If you don’t feel like you are living your sexuality to its full potential, don’t worry! It’s a journey. But one that’s fun in every way!
Don’t forget that your sexual pleasure is essential! Let’s all try to become more sex- and body-positive and understand and believe that our sexual pleasure is important.
We deserve it! We already have the necessary tools to activate all the powers that lie within our bodies and minds.So cancel all your plans for tonight and add this to your To-Do List:
Celebrate Female Orgasm Day and Emjoy!